I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
