dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
