I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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