I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
