fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
