I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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