if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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