i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize