Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
