dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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