Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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