guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize