dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
