JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
