I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
