You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
