I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
