took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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