I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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