They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
