dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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