you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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