Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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