This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize