That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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