i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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