I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
