idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
