508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
