My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
