Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Vodka?
Forever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
