what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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