You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
