I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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