She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize