??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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