between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
