Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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