is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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