I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
