And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
