can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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