If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
