i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
