I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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