even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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