My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
