Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
