okay pat passed out under dana's car
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
