It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
