I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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