My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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