im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
then he tried to convert me to islam
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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