so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
where are my eyebrows?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
