A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
