Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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