I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
