im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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