Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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