I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
