Pants 0. Shit 1.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
