your parents love me but you hate me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
