I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
