Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
