I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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