Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
