So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
