He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
