You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
