You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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