the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
