Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
