they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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