did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
