I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
