guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
