my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
her vagine was all disorganized.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
