through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
