Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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