it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
