tell your sister to shave her snatch
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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