There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
