I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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