What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
