I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
