why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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