your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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