Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
