my room smells like sperm. sweet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
