I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
