woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
