That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
