Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
