she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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