We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
